Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
