Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
