Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
