I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
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