I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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