Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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