so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Randomize
