So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize