i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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