The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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