Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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