I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
