my vag is so smooth its legendary
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
