so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
He kissed a someone with a penis
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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