i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
