Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
