Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Randomize
