I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
