And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
