i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
