Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Randomize
