Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I'm like, not good at living.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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