i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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