that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
