I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
