two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
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