I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
