yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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