Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
