he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
