just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
