WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
