I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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