youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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