i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
The adults are the big ones right?
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