I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
