I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
We're using joints as your birthday candles
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
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