best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
