i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Randomize
