Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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