I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I would ride that face into the sunset
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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