some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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