Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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