I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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