watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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