Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
