He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
