He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
You can't just leave with hair like that
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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