He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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