My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
