Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
