Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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