I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
You should frame my arrest warrant.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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