I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
