i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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