I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
